So much more than I used to think.

I’m sharing how I see things and the references I have over the years. Some of them may be messed up but they’re part of the path until they change. Much of what others say is valuable to me and challenges me.

My reference may be a little different than yours because I lived a life for the first 20 years, not understanding how Jesus loved me and died for me. For various reasons I won't go into here, except to say that I grew up with certain religious misconceptions... my references about love and God were somewhat skewed. As I’ve said before, I viewed God as an uninvolved, distant, somewhat aloof entity who was waiting to beat the crap out of me with a wire hanger once he got fed up enough and snapped. And when I had waited so long to get beat and it never came, my eventual assumption was that he didn’t even care enough to beat me.

When the light went on, the transformation was instant and dramatic. The revelation was instant. And the knowledge of the love and what Jesus did for me on the cross, was instant. (as limited an understanding as it was… it’s only gotten larger as the years have gone by.) And as I’ve shared before about my conversion experience, the battle was real. There was something going on in another dimension that I could feel but not participate in except to keep saying… “don’t give up on me... don’t give up on me.” I don’t think the battle was for my salvation, but for my heart. And there was no mistaking that when the battle was won… it was won for sure. It was in my heart, beyond my mind. It would take a while for my mind to catch up but my heart knew the truth.

Allow me to expound a little to put some of my thoughts into words. It helps me clarify my own beliefs. I'll probably be a little repetative but please bear with me.

With regards to Jesus, in the simplest yet grandest way, there is something that he accomplished for me. His life was about the life we can have. Him being him was about me “being” as well. Lately I have begun to view scripture, not as a mandate about what I should be or do, but as a declaration of who I really am. For me, it’s been very enlightening.

There really was something accomplished on the cross and resurrection that couldn’t be accomplished by anyone else or any other means. He did it as our brother. But he was different. He was God and one with God AND also fully man. We were only man (lower than the angels). He chose the cross because he loves us. And yet in doing it, I believe that is when he became our Savior. “Savior” in the sense that he elevated us to the level above the angels to be heirs with him … not in the sense that “we could become subservient to him”. We became a new creature that is fully man and one with God. Thus he (Jesus) is worthy of our honor and love, as is the Father. In rising from the dead, he became a further example of the limitless power and trans-dimensional existence. When we get past the “salvation” part and on to the sonship/brother part, we can love him at a different level. Not because we have to, or because we are grateful (which we will always be), but because of who he is and who we are in him (with an even greater awe and gratitude). I really believe that recognition of his Sonship is key to our sonship.

There is something in the Bible that I really believe is true. It is the part that says because of the work that Jesus did on the cross, the old man and old things are passed away and all things become new and we are a new creature in Christ. Through Christ, his sacrifice and resurrection, I am no longer the old man and I AM the new elevated creature. I wasn’t the new creature until Jesus, through the creative power of God, made me so.

I am really starting to get the fact that I am only subject to the limits of the old man when I believe that he is who I am. But when I believe and trust that I am the new creature, then the things of the old man blow away like smoke. (like Meshak, Shadrak and Ebednigo sp… without a trace of smell of the smoke.) And the believing is not something that I have to stir up or generate energy around. It is so much more about resting and trusting and just being. That is what I’ve been doing with catching colds… simply knowing and remembering that I am not that guy who gets colds. I am the guy who is not subject to those things. It’s funny that I seem to have to learn it relative to one thing at a time or a few rather than getting the big picture and applying it to everything. The Bible says “as a man believes in his heart… so he is.” Preachers have applied that to good and evil. I think it could apply to something far beyond good and evil. I think it might apply to the life of believing who I am vs who I was. To me, in light of who we are in Christ, being concerned with good and evil is inconsequential compared to “being” the new creation.

I think maybe the old testament prophets had a version of it, or maybe they had all of it, but that it was only available to them on an individual basis. But when Jesus paid the price for ALL, then all became new creatures. Then the Holy Spirit came to all, not just a few... filled all with Power… wrote truth into the hearts of all.

I really believe that the work that Jesus accomplished on the cross and in his resurrection was the key event that made us who we are. He was God who became one with man… and he did what was necessary on the cross, so that we who were man, became (past tense) one with God. I’ve heard that Jesus reset the scale and brought us back to where we were (through Adam) in the Garden. That doesn’t ring true to me. While Adam communed with God, I don't think scripture says anything about him being one with God. I wonder if we aren’t more than Adam. We are who Adam was supposed to be. He never got to partake of the tree of Life. I wonder if the work of Christ didn’t take us beyond what Adam was. I think it’s very possible that Jesus made us more than Adam. He made us who Adam was supposed to become had he “eaten” of the tree of Life. Even back then, the tree of Life was Jesus.

[ "good bye, Mr. Anderson.".... "My name... IS NEO!"

more "being"

Part of my focus lately has been about “being”. It really seems to be bigger than I first thought. I find myself frequently asking myself…”Is that who I am?... or who I was?”
It seems to me that if I can come to a place of realizing the miracle of being a new creation in Christ and just relaxing and being that creation, that I’ll discover that the power was there all along. That also includes being one with God who created this new creation. I realize that might be a little contradictory to the things you’ve been experiencing but I think it’s my way of growing into who I am.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Pondering the possibilities. Thinking how “being” who I really am might impact others. It doesn’t seem to be only about my own feelings and life. It seems like the power to speak into existence the healing to others or deliverance or whatever will accompany this as well. That the power is part of who I already am.

I’m starting to believe that everything I have hopes of becoming… I already am. I’m trying to accept it and rest in it. I want an epiphany... maybe I already have it.
:o)

"Being"

I realize I started this thing and then never continued with it. I published some rantings about failure and God's lack of validation. To catch up... I think I realized something between then and now.

In the past, I have exerted a large amount of effort checking off the boxes on the list of all of the things I needed to do to lay-hold of (acquire or walk in) the promises of God according to scripture and according to my understanding of His heart. I did everything I could think of and when that failed, I assumed that there must be something else that I was supposed to do. So I sought God to add to my list of to-do's so that I could succeed. I didn't want wealth for wealth's sake or health so that I could party more. I just wanted to be able to trust that God would back me, when I was doing the ministry I believe He called me to do.

My entire point of view was in becoming what I was supposed to become so that God could do what he was supposed to do. So I set about checking off the list. Prayer? Check. Scripture? Check. Tithing? Check. Check, check, check, check, check!!! I was exhausted. And still no change in my life or in God's supposed provision for the good (and Godly) things I believe he called me to and I was trying to accomplish. I recieved all of the platitudes from well-intentioned "knowers" saying what they believed they were supposed to say. "where God guides, God provides." What kind of crap is that to say when the ship is sinking?

So I worked myself sick trying to accomplish the checklist and then fretted myself sicker by trying to imagine what it was I was missing and not checking off.

In the midst of it all... God said one thing to me over and over. "Keep the family together!". For those of you catching up... my wife and I have a home for women who are in recovery... recovery from anything ... addiction, trauma, abuse etc. The women have become and continue to be family to us. We love them deeply and God's grace is abundant. So God said "Keep the family together."

We lost the home that the women were living in with house managers etc. So, in keeping the family together, we moved the ladies into our tiny house until we could afford and find a bigger place to accomodate us all.

Back to the big picture... the list and the belief about the list.
As I began to ponder all of what has happened... I began to view it in the light of the love of God and the Grace of God. I began to realize that my point of view was skewed based on what I believed needed to take place in order for the blessings to flow my way. That sounds a little self-serving. But I think my heart and motivation was good, it was my belief in the relationship between me'n God that was in error.

I realized that I was not "becoming". I am. The accomplished work on the cross by Jesus Christ, makes me a new creation. But as long as I believed I was the old creation, I behaved and acted like the old creation. I was living a lie. The truth is ... I am the new creation. God could not bless the lie. As long as I was attempting to become, I was infusing God's grace with my own attempts.... my "law" so to speak. Grace cannot be polluted by law and still produce fruit.

I began viewing scripture differently. Instead of viewing it as instruction about what I needed to do to become, I realized that it is a declaration of who I am... In Christ... because of what He did. Not because of my checklist. Of course I've always applied that to sin. I know that my own righteousness is filthy and that I trust in the righteousness of Christ for the forgiveness of my sin. But if that is all I think, then I find that I'm limiting the cross of Christ.

So if the premise is true, then what is the application? Well, I'll give you an example. This winter, I have been confronted numerous times with a chest cold. Each time it began to rear it's head, I asked myself, "Am I the guy that will catch the cold? Or am I the new guy who is healthy, just like Christ is healthy?" I wish I could say angels began to sing or that I was able to muster some huge faith. But I they didn't and I didn't. But do you know what did happen??? I didn't catch the cold. Not once. Now for a guy who has had a cold every fall and spring for 20 years... that's saying something.

I am. I'm not becoming. I'm not working my way to becoming. I am! I am because of the finished work on the Cross. Jesus said, "it is finished!" I'm beginning to think he meant a whole lot more that I used to give him credit for.