"Being"

I realize I started this thing and then never continued with it. I published some rantings about failure and God's lack of validation. To catch up... I think I realized something between then and now.

In the past, I have exerted a large amount of effort checking off the boxes on the list of all of the things I needed to do to lay-hold of (acquire or walk in) the promises of God according to scripture and according to my understanding of His heart. I did everything I could think of and when that failed, I assumed that there must be something else that I was supposed to do. So I sought God to add to my list of to-do's so that I could succeed. I didn't want wealth for wealth's sake or health so that I could party more. I just wanted to be able to trust that God would back me, when I was doing the ministry I believe He called me to do.

My entire point of view was in becoming what I was supposed to become so that God could do what he was supposed to do. So I set about checking off the list. Prayer? Check. Scripture? Check. Tithing? Check. Check, check, check, check, check!!! I was exhausted. And still no change in my life or in God's supposed provision for the good (and Godly) things I believe he called me to and I was trying to accomplish. I recieved all of the platitudes from well-intentioned "knowers" saying what they believed they were supposed to say. "where God guides, God provides." What kind of crap is that to say when the ship is sinking?

So I worked myself sick trying to accomplish the checklist and then fretted myself sicker by trying to imagine what it was I was missing and not checking off.

In the midst of it all... God said one thing to me over and over. "Keep the family together!". For those of you catching up... my wife and I have a home for women who are in recovery... recovery from anything ... addiction, trauma, abuse etc. The women have become and continue to be family to us. We love them deeply and God's grace is abundant. So God said "Keep the family together."

We lost the home that the women were living in with house managers etc. So, in keeping the family together, we moved the ladies into our tiny house until we could afford and find a bigger place to accomodate us all.

Back to the big picture... the list and the belief about the list.
As I began to ponder all of what has happened... I began to view it in the light of the love of God and the Grace of God. I began to realize that my point of view was skewed based on what I believed needed to take place in order for the blessings to flow my way. That sounds a little self-serving. But I think my heart and motivation was good, it was my belief in the relationship between me'n God that was in error.

I realized that I was not "becoming". I am. The accomplished work on the cross by Jesus Christ, makes me a new creation. But as long as I believed I was the old creation, I behaved and acted like the old creation. I was living a lie. The truth is ... I am the new creation. God could not bless the lie. As long as I was attempting to become, I was infusing God's grace with my own attempts.... my "law" so to speak. Grace cannot be polluted by law and still produce fruit.

I began viewing scripture differently. Instead of viewing it as instruction about what I needed to do to become, I realized that it is a declaration of who I am... In Christ... because of what He did. Not because of my checklist. Of course I've always applied that to sin. I know that my own righteousness is filthy and that I trust in the righteousness of Christ for the forgiveness of my sin. But if that is all I think, then I find that I'm limiting the cross of Christ.

So if the premise is true, then what is the application? Well, I'll give you an example. This winter, I have been confronted numerous times with a chest cold. Each time it began to rear it's head, I asked myself, "Am I the guy that will catch the cold? Or am I the new guy who is healthy, just like Christ is healthy?" I wish I could say angels began to sing or that I was able to muster some huge faith. But I they didn't and I didn't. But do you know what did happen??? I didn't catch the cold. Not once. Now for a guy who has had a cold every fall and spring for 20 years... that's saying something.

I am. I'm not becoming. I'm not working my way to becoming. I am! I am because of the finished work on the Cross. Jesus said, "it is finished!" I'm beginning to think he meant a whole lot more that I used to give him credit for.